thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize