Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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