So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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