what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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