He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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