My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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