there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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