I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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