So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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