Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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