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i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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