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and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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