Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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