I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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