Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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