she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want her autograph on my taint
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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