I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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