you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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