I can text with my tongue
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Four minutes until I can fart!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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