remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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