he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize