I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize