I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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