with your own penis?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize