Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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