did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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