I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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