you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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