if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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