You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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