Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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