So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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did you just send me my own nude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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