Nicole vs. Life
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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