Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize