My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize