I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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