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mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
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