I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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