Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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