i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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