There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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