Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize