he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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