You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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