:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize