My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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