Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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