i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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