3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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