Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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